


IF YOU LET ME STAY.

by H2iK37



Category: Peter Kay's Car Share (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-04-04 16:56:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14024619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/H2iK37/pseuds/H2iK37
Summary: John and Kayleigh in the car talking nonsense.





	1. If you let me stay.

**Author's Note:**

> Spoken:
> 
> sweetheart listen  
> I know the last few pages  
> haven't been good for the both of us  
> but put those bags down, o.k?  
> before you make a decision like that,  
> please just listen to me  
> 'cos i don't want you to leave  
> I definitely don't want to leave.  
> just hear me out. 
> 
> (words and music by Terence Trent D'arby )

John: So how much yogurt did. Kath hilton give you for your 'Thrush' or was it for your ingrowing toenail again, were you hopping around, life tripping you up.

Kayleigh: ' Life schmife' - enough to start a yogurt franchise. 

John: Did you enjoy your holiday with your. Mandy in Corfu with the dodgy plumbing then.

Kayleigh: Yes mandy got a Brazilian and a vagazzle, plus no white bit's! Steve's in for a surprise. 

John: I, bet he is. Joyce chung and her man, never made it to. Japan they got thrown off the flight. 

Kayleigh: Ooh why. 

John: They tried to join mile high club?

Kayleigh: How high was the plane then.

John: Still parked on the kin ground. 

Kayleigh: I don't have any white bit's, tanned allover, Johnathon.

John: Too much information. Kayleigh still trying to work out Your 20 drunk text messages, even alexa couldn't make them out. 

Kayleigh: Who's this. Alexa! got yourself a girlfriend then.

John: No, a digital personal assistant. The bane of my "pissin life", everytime i say alexa play pro-rugby the fcking thing is trying to load, pornhub or play. Africa by TOTO.

Kayleigh: "It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you", love that song.

Forever Fm: On yer bike cycle tours, helmet cams included ( Halfords stabilisers not needed). 

John: Takin the piss! 

Kayleigh: Jump? 

John: I was supposed to be on holiday this week. 

Kayleigh: How come. 

John: Kath hilton, told me that. I still had a weeks holiday to take, said use it or lose it. 

Forever Fm: Happy ending funeral services, where we guarantee your loved ones a happy ending. 

John: That's pure porn, that is. 

Kayleigh: Going anywhere nice! 

John: Was,was meant to be going to. Vegas but shit hit the fan on Friday. 

Kayleigh: Why what happened? 

John: Your pal. Rachel, and Dave Thompson got caught on security camera. Coming out the disabled bog, she was straighting her skirt and he was pulling his zip up. Now we know why that toilet seat has a crack in it. 

Kayleigh: What were they doing in there! 

John: Playing snakes and ladders, she's climbing the ladder and sliding down the snake. 

Kayleigh: Really?

John: No, they were practicing for strictly come dancing. 

Kayleigh: Ooh, love that program. What dance was it.

John: The boss a favour. 

Forever Fm: What's the year. We had a deep impact with armagedden, titanic won eleven oscars, and there was a vampire slayer called buffy. 

John: 1998, Get in.

Kayleigh: The boss a what. 

John: It gets worse, Elsie scared the shit out of the pickers in the freezers. They thought the yeti had moved in, claiming she was trying to stop stink ray getting hypothermia. 

Kayleigh: Elsie and stink ray?

John: Anyway, Alan Campbell is sorting it out at half nine this morning. A lot of people, going up the road. 

Forever Fm: Terence trent d'arby. If you let me stay .


	2. Wishing well.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Kayleigh in the car talking nonsense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kissing like a bandit  
> Stealing time  
> Underneath a sycamore tree  
> Cupid by the hour sends  
> Valentines  
> To my lover and me  
> Slowly  
> But surely  
> Your appetite is more than i knew  
> Sweetly  
> Softly  
> I'm falling in love with you 
> 
> words and music by: Terence Trent D'arby

Kayleigh: what happened at the disciplinary meeting this morning with. Alan campbell then!

John: Elsies on her final....final warning, more luck than a leprechaun that one. 

Kayleigh: What happened to rachel then?

John: She's been suspended and being transferred to. Preston. 

Kayleigh: Is dave thompson being sacked then! 

John: No, turns out him and. Alan campbell are swinging buddies? 

Kayleigh: Their both golfer's? 

John: Jesus and mary chain! 

Kayleigh: I, like a bit of swinging myself Johnathon!

John: I don't know kayleigh first it was dogging with your neighbour ken, now it's swinging? 

Kayleigh: What? 

John: Do you even know what swinging is kayleigh! 

Kayleigh: Yes, of course it's sitting on a swing and someone pushes you! 

John: Is it balls, sitting on a swing?

Kayleigh: What is it then?

John: It's where you go to a party. At someone's house and swap partners and have sex with a stranger! 

Kayleigh: That's disgusting, would you be up for a bit of swinging Johnathon! 

John: Knowing my luck, I'd put me keys in the bowl and get a lada instead of a rolls royce?


	3. Strictly dancing.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kayleigh comes up with a. Strictly themed fundraising idea for this year's. Children in need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's go forward with our love 
> 
> i don't ask for your money 
> 
> i don't ask for your honey 
> 
> all i want is your love 
> 
> let's go forward with our love 
> 
> i don't ask for your wallet 
> 
> Let's finish what we started 
> 
> all i need is love 
> 
> Word's and music:Terence Trent D'arby

John: "Who's idea was this again". Kayleigh ! 

Kayleigh: "It was my idea". Johnathan ? 

John: "OK, what's with the. Johnathan !"

Kayleigh: "I thought you were going to have a go that's all" 

John: "No its a good idea". Just that me feet have only just recovered from last year? 

Kayleigh: "Yeah forgot about that". You dressed up as a hammerhead shark, being pushed round the carpark by what did you call them again! 

John: "Budgy smugglers Inc!"

Kayleigh: "Don't know, John" seeing. Ted 2 in barely their swim trunks! He can give me the kiss of life anytime. 

John: "Oi lady, watch it!" 

Kayleigh: "Anyway it was better than. Dave Thompson's idea", a sponsored shave again? 

John: "Better than. Elsie's as well"! 

Kayleigh: " I don't know john," a sponsored. Full Monty? 

John: "Fool, being the operative word". Kayleigh, no effing way was I getting me kit off? On stage with, Steve off freezers, stink ray and Ted 2. 

Kayleigh: "All the girls would have paid good money"too see that. Johnathan! 

John:" Aye especially. Elsie watching, stink ray with his haddock out "

Kayleigh: "JOHN"

John: " WHAT"....... Anyway, has your. Mandy finished your dress!?

Kayleigh: " Yes it's finished, and ready for the big event"!

John: " What's it look like then".....give us a clue. 

Kayleigh: "Stunning", and you'll have to wait!

John: "Spoilsport"! Anyway have you decided, what our opening dance is going to be yet. 

Kayleigh: " I thought, we'd go for. Foxtrot for openers and finish with the. Argentine tango? 

John: " Dave Thompson is going for his favourite again"

Kayleigh: " What's that. John"

John: " The boss a favour" been practicing for weeks in the disabled bog with. Rachel, or in his office during breaks.


End file.
